From a young age I have put a sizable amount of pressure on myself to be exemplary. Get that perfect routine, eat well, exercise regularly, be the best at school, then feel guilty when I don’t live up to those expectations. Continuously judging myself for not being like people I see on social media that wake up at 5am everyday just to go to the gym. Those people who do a half hour meditation before they’ve even eaten breakfast. Or maybe even have a six figure business by the age of 21. My mind has created a set of standards I expect myself to uphold in order to feel worthy of anything good in life. Drink 3L of water a day, do my journaling, tick things off my to do list. Sometimes I find myself intentionally ignoring these standards as if I am rebelling against myself. Like my inner child just wants to have all that pressure let off her shoulders.
The question is, where do these standards come from? Who suggested there was a right and wrong way to live our lives. Obviously science proves certain daily habits to be health promoting and beneficial. But realistically if you aren’t going to the gym everyday you aren’t a bad person. You aren’t less healthy if you eat ice cream. And you are not expected to be a millionaire by your early 20’s. The media, your childhood, life experiences and anything you feed your brain with can influence our beliefs on what makes us a ‘good person’.
There can be many reasons we put pressure on ourselves. I believe mine stems from a feeling of unworthiness and an immense desire for praise. The unconscious belief that I need to be exceptional to receive attention originates from reinforced childhood experiences. My dad's attention was difficult to hold and I had to do something worth paying attention to in order to keep it. I never liked being naughty, so I guess I swung the opposite way. To this day I still base my worth on how much I am achieving, despite my efforts to change it.
Ever since I started my self-improvement journey I’ve focused so intently on what I needed to improve about myself. The past year I’ve started to realise that self-improvement can be a dark hole of intense self-criticism and an unpleasant pressure that rests upon your shoulders. Maybe self-improvement isn’t about being the best version of ourselves all the time, it's about loving and accepting the worst one. Some days I am so productive it's ridiculous. Others even getting out of bed seems like the biggest hassle. I’m not saying don’t try to be your best self. All I mean is be okay with your worst self as well. There are times when you will be low, and that is completely normal. Judging yourself at those times isn’t going to help you.
If we can love our worst selves, moving towards becoming a better version of yourself will be so much simpler. This is because it will help heal any feelings of unworthiness that linger unconsciously. Listening to your body and intuition is the best thing you can do to stay in tune with yourself. This could mean resting when you need it, eating foods that are typically ‘unhealthy’, or sleeping in. As long as you are trying to live in alignment with your passions, purpose and values, nothing you can do will ever be wrong. Your flaws make you who you are and are also deserving of love.We are all going to make mistakes and do things we regret. Putting pressure on yourself isn’t going to change this, it just creates unnecessary anxiety. Follow your intuition and live a life that's true to you. But take my advice and give yourself a break, let that weight off your shoulders. As long as you are doing things you love you cannot fail. I find this topic very interesting and eye opening. If you have any comments or different perspectives on this topic I’d love to hear them!
Thank you, love Amy ♡
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